There might come a time in every relationship when people start thinking about the normality or toxicity of their relationship. A toxic marriage or relationship can be defined as a condition in a relationship that can become a reason for unhealthy physical, mental, or emotional problems. These issues, if left unresolved, can fester into more extensive and more harmful problems.
There is no doubt that physical abuse, desertion, substance abuse, or other major issues are signs of a toxic relationship. However, sometimes the signs are subtle but as toxic as any major issue. Such subtle signs must be recognized before it is too late. Following are some signs of a toxic marriage, have a look and know where your relationship or wedding is headed.
Signs That Your Marriage is Toxic
Being in a toxic marriage means you already have some idea about the toxicity of your relationship. But sometimes, you need to confirm whether it happens with all normal couples or is it a pattern followed in a toxic relationship? Knowing the toxic elements in your marriage may help you fix them somehow – it doesn’t necessarily mean that the marriage has lost its cause.
After you recognize the unhealthy behaviors, you will be able to take some actions to fix or avoid them.
1. Very Less Communication or No Communication At All between You and Your Partner
Ask yourself, can you communicate your feelings or perspectives to your partner easily? If your answer is a “No,” remember that one might be just not “allowed” to communicate about even such basic things in a toxic relationship. Even in the times when you are asked to speak, your partner’s voice might overpower yours. You might notice that your partner belittles or simply scoffs off your attempts of expressing yourself.
However, in a healthy marriage, partners are interested in knowing whatever you have to tell them, whether it is about your feelings, needs, or perspectives. They would be more inclined to learn about every problem or issue you are facing. Your partner wouldn’t shut you out but will try to know you better than before.
2. There is Too Much Compromising
You might find yourself giving up on your desires and your opinions in any decision. Your spouse’s priorities and preferences might supersede yours – from decorating your house to deciding a yearly trip. We agree that no relationship can work without compromise, but the fact that compromise must be made from both partners cannot be ignored, either. It shouldn’t be just one of them making all the compromises while the other does whatever he/she wants to do regardless of the circumstances.
In a healthy marriage or relationship, every decision is made by keeping both partners’ preferences in regard. The spouses treat each other equally and make everything happen mutually.
3. Your Boundaries are Not Respected
There are boundaries in every relationship that must be respected. However, in some toxic relationships, a partner keeps violating the boundaries one has set. Let’s say you wouldn’t want your relatives to know about a specific personal matter, and you would ask your spouse to keep it a secret. But, soon, you get to hear questions about the same problem you were hiding from them because your spouse couldn’t respect the boundaries and spilled the beans.
In a healthy relationship, secrets are kept, and boundaries are respected. You know that you don’t need to worry when you tell your spouse about something and ask them to keep it confidential.
4. Blame Games Are an Everyday Thing
Partners who like blame games and threatening their spouse isn’t a problem for them are truly toxic. The blame games and threats can also take the form of manipulating. They can even hurt themselves in order to threaten you and make you feel guilty.
In healthy marriages, things like threatening or blaming don’t happen because peace of mind and love for their family is the priority for such couples.
5. You Might Feel Like Losing Control of Your Own Life
In a toxic marriage, you might feel like your partner is controlling you. The feeling would be like a puppet who does whatever the owner makes it do. From where to go and where not to go to the way you dress up, everything may seem like it is being controlled by someone else. You will feel like you are not the one who is allowed to make decisions about your own life, but your partner.
In healthy marriages, spouses are free enough to keep their certain life decisions to themselves. No one is the boss in such relationships; both partners get to have their say in every decision.
6. Fights and Conflicts Become a Regular Thing
We understand and agree that there are arguments between couples occasionally. However, when these fights or arguments become a regular thing, they can be very toxic for the couples’ mental and physical health. Couples are supposed to understand each other more with the passing time – understanding must lead to lesser and lesser conflicts.
However, in a toxic relationship or marriage, the phenomenon is entirely opposite; there are frequent arguments and fights, and sometimes the reasons behind these conflicts are so minor that there wasn’t any need for a fight.
7. Home Doesn’t Feel Like Home Anymore
When a relationship or marriage turns toxic, the home doesn’t remain the same as before the toxicity entered it. With a toxic partner, it’s hard to stay at home. You might find yourself thinking of ways to go out and spend a little more time there just so you can avoid the uncomfortableness at home.
Home should be the place where you find comfort, not somewhere you feel miserable and want to run away. Your home should feel like home to you, not a prison.
What Are the Possibilities of Saving the Marriage after it Turns Toxic?
Now, the most important question that arises is whether a toxic marriage can be saved or not? The answer to this question can never be a straight “Yes” or “No” because it depends on several factors.
First, you need to make sure that your relationship is toxic. You don’t want to confuse a mere argument with an utterly toxic marriage. Secondly, you and your partner must make a solid and honest commitment to save your relationship. If you both are not committed enough, it may become difficult or even impossible to save the marriage.
Next, you may want to start with marriage counseling or couple therapy. The key is to stay committed and consistent. But then again, sometimes things just can’t get back to how they used to be, and you have to call it quits.
Relationships can be like a roller coaster ride. There are ups and downs in every relationship, and no one can deny the fact that every matter can only be resolved when both partners want to do so. You should be able to love yourself before anyone else, be your own priority, and learn how to walk away from toxic people and relationships. Your mental health and self-respect must not be compromised.
So, the best thing you guys can do is get therapy and take your time to heal.